Teach me how to smile

She loves him, therefore she leaves him
He loves her, and so he let her go
They say separation is the will from an individual, and the coordination from two individuals

You used to say I make you smile
Honestly, you make me smile, too
As much as you smile at my smiling
And with you walking away from my life, and taking my smile away with you
I forgot how to smile, teach me how to smile

I thought I'm able to cope, but I failed tremendously
I thought I wouldn't have tears, but just the thought failed me almost instantaneously
I thought the love is not that deep, but the truth is often the toughest pain

Again, teach me how to smile, when the only thing I want to do is to cry

2 become 0

4 years
It comes to an end, but we are still friends.
I love the way it ends, no matter how faith issues came by for past few weeks.
Love is still there, but he has transformed from a lover to a family member.

4 weeks
I told myself to do the right thing, and I did.
But things just went wrong, so wrong; and uncontrollable, so out of control.
I'm in deep guilt and grieve; it was me, all me.

Piece of Crap

And yes, Serene Ting never thinks though her family name is ‘think’.

Just a little bit of self confession.
1) I take things too easily.
2) I procrastinate those damn things which do not interest me.
3) I’m lazy when it comes to thinking, i.e. I never use my brain.
4) I’m not a very loyal person, to everyone, everything.
5) I’m not a very responsible person.
6) I cry when I face problems.
7) I can’t handle stress.
8) I’m indecisive, all the time.
9) I have no sense of taste, in terms of everything.
10) I do not like to talk to people.

The great ambition to leave a legacy at my workplace is a total failure? And yes, I did it again! Oops 

15 minutes

If you could spare me 15 minutes each day,
I believe the existing problems aren’t really problems anymore.
If you could bear with me 15 minutes each day,
I think I could feel you love and care better.
If you could talk to me 15 minutes each day,
I can assure that our relationship won’t have to be like now.
I just need 15 minutes, no interruption, no work, no drama, just pure talk.
Wondering whether it’s too demanding to request for 1% of your time every day?

If only

If only I was more careful, I could have avoided that unpleasant incident.

If only I listened to a sincere friend’s advice, I would not have to spend 300 to 400 bucks.

If only I was not that stubborn, I would not have to blog about “IF ONLY”.

I cannot stop blaming myself, for being ridiculously idiot.

I cannot stop thinking about it, until crying machine starts its engine, and tears flow uncontrollably from those sepet eyes.

I cannot stop mourning over the ‘used to be flawless’ door, until I painted it with those awful scratches.

At that moment, my mind was blank, I was attacked by panic.

The only one I could reach out was him, and he did his part significantly.

Indeed, I was sailing smoothly all the while since I got my driving license.

This is the very time I was in such a situation, where I have to deal with this kind of incident.

Stop crying, face it, deal with it, S!

I HATE YOU

I hate it when u disagree with me

I hate it when u never pick up my call after we had quarrels

I hate it when u never call me up when I'm mad at u

I hate it when u never know what I'm angry about

I hate it because I really care about it

I hate it because u never know how I feel and u never even care

I HATE YOU

Love Him, Love Him Not

Everything has finally turn out to be boring

It seems to me that the feeling is no longer there

Honestly I don't have faith in myself

I'm looking for some excitement

I'd been thinking a lot these few days after that lunch

That sudden crush dragged me to some place so deep inside

Thank God......

I know that he doesn't know about the existence of this blog

And he never bother to view my FB profile and get to encounter the link

And he never bother to change the status of mine to become "In a Relationship with XXX"

And he never know that this little things would have made a great difference

Expecting too much for a birthday present

I'm supposed to be asleep by this time. Switching off the lights, and chatting through phone on my bed with my warm blanket on. This had been a routine activity, everyday.

Today, as usual I off my lights and called him. After the chat, we ended up quarreling.

Me: Where's my birthday present? My birthday past almost one month already.
Him: I though of want to give you when you move to Penang for work.
Me: Then have you bought one? I thought you would have give me when I went for my second interview.
Him: I did went to search for your present, but the shopping mall was very crowded. I'm shy to walk into those shops like shoe shops to buy you a present. It's very weired for a guy who enter a girl's shop.
Me: That means in your heart, I'm not important and it's not worth it for you to enter a shop to buy me a present.... (crying)
Him: Don't think like that, it's not as what you think....
Me: ...... (Crying)

Every time when we are far apart, if you find me the next morning with swollen eyes, you can be sure that I had a quarrel with my boyfriend. Am I wrong? I'm just hoping to be surprised with a birthday present. Is it too demanding?

It's just complicated. We are not like normal couples. He thinks that Valentine's day is not important, and he said that our anniversary and my birthday (and his birthday) are way too important than V-day. Then, I only received a birthday card on my birthday and he didn't seriously go and search and buy me a birthday present. This is what he meant by my birthday is much more important than the V-day.

Happy belated birthday to poor me.

Things will never be the same again

Today is supposed to be a day to be celebrated. JM headed to his first interview and supposingly will be offered the job very soon. And for me, I got a job last week and will start next month. Everything seems and sounds so nice and perfect. In real soon, this couple will start their own career (more appropriately -- WORK) respectively. And in real soon, both of them will be having different work life and environment, in different places...... Distance had always been a problem for them. And for this time, the only difference is the distance between them has 'evolved', whereby both of them will be working in Penang (me) and Melacca (JM). Distance can be overcome by 7 hours plus drive, toll fares, and fuel? Definitely not.

I almost forgot why I chose to apply jobs in Penang and not Ipoh. Ya, I tried to convince myself that there are lesser chances in Ipoh and wanted to change to maybe a new environment. Therefore, I chose Penang and KL. I thought it was fate, where I didn't receive any calls from KL for interview, and the only interview I had was in Penang. I convinced myself AGAIN, that it's FATE that brought me to Penang to start my new stage of life, closer to him. However, God often challenge my faith and perseverance. It started when JM didn't manage to get his MBA application and had to work while trying to apply MBA again. His plan changed 180 degrees, as well as mine.

It's time to THINK very properly how to face the future challenges! I just tidy up topics related to my work and will start studying them soon - chemistry, food analysis, microbiology, Food Act and Regulations. It's kind of back to study life, just that the purpose of study is not meant for examinations anymore. Good news or bad news?